Blessings....

Do you ever have those days where you come home from an awful day at work, and the only thing you want to do is lay down, put covers over your head and lay in pure silence because you think you cannot take it anymore??

Yesterday I had one of those days...

As I walked into the house after what felt like the longest 8 hour day ever, I see my husband, my puppy, be lazy, and I got this huge smile on my face. I felt for once in my life, at complete peace. I felt calm. I felt so safe. I felt strong. I felt independent. I said to myself, I love my life. I thought to myself that no matter what bad things happen during the day, I have this to come home to.

Sean had the biggest grin on his face, and said "Look Oscar, look who is home, it's mama." Hearing those words come out of his mouth made my heart skip a beat. How does he always manage to make my heart still pound after 5 years? Mama. Just then, I had thought, how wonderful it will be to have children with this man. To have him say that to a child as I walk into the door. To hear those words, it made my day. For the first time in my entire life, I felt at peace.

As a newly wed, I hear the "So when are you going to try to start having kids" sentence about 20 times a day. Does this surprise you? Whenever I hear others ask me this question, I feel half sick to my stomach, nervous, clammy, and pretty sure I turn green. Having kids? NOW? My answer in my head is "OH GOD NO". But I always manage to say "It has only been 9 months, I'd like to enjoy being a newly wed for some time longer, before we bring a child into our lives." Sounds mature enough, even though inside my head I am screaming and gasping for air, and teaching myself to breathe, as if I already didn't know how.

When Sean said the word "Mama" I turned to a complete puddle of mush. I felt calm, and suddenly the thought didn't scare me half as bad as when others would ask about it. When Sean smiles at me, or we talk about baby names, or talk about the future it NEVER scares me. Sean has this way of making me calm, and saying all the right things, and he doesn't even know he does it.

Grant it, I am still aware Sean was talking to our puppy Oscar, and not a child, but someday...someday..

For right now though, Oscar is our child. He does everything a child would do(sometimes even more) and trust me, we are both completely worn out as he does keep us on our toes. But we love him so much.

~Lindsey